John 14-16

John 14-16 is presently one of my favorite passages in the Bible. Jesus’ words. He speaks a great deal about three of my favorite topics: Holy Spirit, hope, and love.

Actually, now that I think of it, the Holy Spirit and hope are THE two topics that I am actually highlighting in my current Bible. And love is something I have been seriously focusing on for the last 5 months. No wonder I love this passage so much!

Throughout His dialogue, Jesus elaborates several times on the immanent sending of the Holy Spirit and how this person of the Trinity would serve and help us. (Ah! God’s humility!) I love it when one person of the Trinity talks about another person of the Trinity. They actually do it quite a bit. It’s beautiful! If anyone knows about God and has something to say about God… it’s God.

The hope topic isn’t necessarily evident in a quick scan of the passage. This is primarily because he uses the language of peace, joy, and believing.

And then we have love. Jesus keeps coming back to this theme. And He especially focuses on defining love as obedience.

This post was originally going to be about obedience. I was having one of those really good conversations with the Holy Spirit that felt like it needed to overflow into verbal expression. But then, as I sat down to write… I realized that I wanted to talk about a lot of things from this passage. And that I was so enamored with the other two subjects that I could not leave them alone in order to maintain some level of focus for this post.

So we have, instead, an introduction. I have decided, in my failed attempt to stay on the one topic, to start a tiny series of posts on John 14-16.

I’m not looking at the passage right now. In fact, I haven’t for a few days. So right now I am simply talking from what has stuck with me in the last few months as I have been looking at it and talking to the Lord about it.

From those recollections of the things that have most struck me, I would say that these three topics are essentially the three main themes of this passage. If I sat down and looked at it more analytically, I might change my stance a bit. But, my study of the Bible happens in the context of relationship and primarily exists as dialogue with God about God. (Let us all remember, prayer and love are literally my primary occupation. Sigh… I love life as an intercessory missionary. Apart from being at the core of my job description, though, these are truly what we are called to as Christians.)

So, as I talk about this passage, I will be emphasizing the things that have been the highlights of these “conversations” with God. So, whether hope, Holy Spirit, and love=obedience are the three main themes of this passage or not… I can almost guarantee that they will be the three main themes of this little series.

I’m not going to make any promises about how quickly these posts will be written. I am simply going to state my intent to write them and follow through with that at whatever pace my schedule allows.

I also cannot make any guarantees concerning the length of the series. I anticipate that there will probably be three posts, one for each topic. But… then again… I anticipated, upon sitting down to blog, that I was writing one post about obedience. And now… here I am, introducing a series. So who knows what this will look like when all is said and done.

In any case, I am excited about it. This is the stuff that is moving my heart. I love to talk about the things that move my heart. (Now that I have a heart that moves and all. Thank You, God, for reviving the heart that I spent so many years trying to numb and deaden!)

Yay fun!

That Holy Spirit

So, I’m really in love with the Holy Spirit right now.

Fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit is one of the wisest things Mike has ever told me to do (from the platform). Fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit is one of the wisest things I have listened to Mike about and done. The Holy Spirit is so easy to talk to.

Most of my childhood, I struggled with anxieties related to abandonment and neglect. (…Despite that fact that I was the only child of two fantastic, godly people. They weren’t PERFECT, and the accuser is all about working fear in our hearts.) The Holy Spirit never leaves. He is ALWAYS with us. He will be forever. His presence is inescapable.

It is by the power of the Holy Spirit that we abound in hope. As many of you have surely realized by now, hope has become one of my big things… the things that I think about and talk about and pray about all the time. The Holy Spirit is the one who gives me joy and peace. He is the one who teaches me and reminds me of the promises of God and causes my heart to come alive in waiting for those things.

John 14-17 is my current obsession in the Bible. Jesus talks about the Holy Spirit quite a bit in those little chapters. And it’s beautiful. I love it when one of the persons of the Trinity speaks about another person of the Trinity. Few things are as beautiful as one person’s description of another that they love and know perfectly.

The Holy Spirit serves me all the time. What humility! God lives in me. God serves me. (How much do we ask for the ministry of the Holy Spirit.)

The Holy Spirit is my Comforter. When you stop numbing pain and running from it, a Comforter is a pretty handy thing to have.

He is the Spirit of Truth. I am becoming a lover of truth. He is making me a lover of truth.

He is the Spirit of Life. He has awakened my dull, deadened heart and made me alive. He has made me love life. He is renewing me. He is renewing the earth. He is preparing a bride for the worthy Bridegroom.

He leads me into all truth. I want to pursue the knowledge of God and all that He would reveal to me with all that I am.

He gives me strength and grace to overcome. He empowers me to love.

He reveals Jesus. Jesus reveals the Father. I know God by talking to God. And He delights in giving revelation as I hunger and search.

He makes me love Jesus. He makes me love the Father.

He leads me perfectly.

I LOVE the Holy Spirit. He is my friend. He is  my companion. He is God… WITH me.

Holy Spirit = WOW. (Like, hours and hours and hours of WOW… in tears and joy and wonder and love and all of the richest of emotions.)

Feeling Very Loved

Bob Sorge spoke on Friday night. Incredible message. Wendy and I watched the archive of it on Saturday night (her sabbath; I love what that girl does with her free time).

I cried. A lot.

Bob talked about the letter to the church in Laodicea (Revelation 3). “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.” He also, as one might expect, talked a bit about Hebrews 12.

In short, I’m feeling loved. Very loved.

I really appreciate it when Bob speaks. It’s a rare event. Due to a vocal injury several (16-ish?) years ago, it is very painful for Bob to speak publicly. Very painful, and little more than the loudest whisper he can muster up. But I find that I am tremendously blessed by it every time he does speak.

It’s amazing what God will do with a heart that says yes to him in the midst of pain and hardship.

If you can, watch the archives of the message. I think we keep all the services archived for at least a week. If nothing else, check out one of Bob’s books. Good stuff. Really good stuff.

Witnessing Love

What I am about to write is actually what motivated me to finally sit down and write my last, introductory post.

As I have been setting myself to behold God’s love and pursue the way of love in my own life, I was recently carried further in the journey by unexpected means. I had a unique opportunity to witness someone else choosing love in a profound way. In fact, I’m not sure that I’ve ever witnessed that kind of love in this measure.

In seeing such incredible beauty, I naturally desire to declare the identity and the specific choices and actions of this one who so remarkably chose the most excellent way, that you might behold this beauty with me. But for more than one reason, I cannot do that.

Love does not parade itself… and I have not been given authority to expose it, either. There is also a facet of this love that finds beauty in it’s hiddenness and secrecy… the silent suffering and sacrifice that demands no acknowledgment or recognition.

Thus, I am going to be a little vague. (Nothing new to this blog.) And I am going to refer to this person using “he/him/his”, as I have done with past posts about anonymous individuals.

“He” might be a woman. And I’m really not worried about you guessing. The small handful of people who will know who I am talking about will find it blaringly obvious. I’m pretty sure the rest of you don’t even have a chance. If I were you, I wouldn’t waste my energy trying to guess who I am talking about and how I know about the choices they made.

And so it begins…

Invitation to Love

I have been spending A LOT of time in 1 Corinthians 13 and 14 lately. It’s kind of creating a new vision statement for my life. In fact, the intensity with which the Lord has been directing me in the ever-famous love passage is what led to my little description in the new box under my profile picture on facebook:

I am choosing the most excellent way. It’s going to kill me, but it has to. I will pursue perfection until faith, hope, and love are the truest things that can be said of me. I WILL love, at the end of the day. God lives in me. It’s not in vain.

Ultimately, it is a journey into discovering God’s heart in ways that far surpass anything I have ever seen or understood before. But this journey, setting myself to gaze on the beauty of His love, is also the means of my transformation. It’s a life-long pursuit, not just a fun new study focus when I open my Bible. And it is a daily discovering of my need for God, my need for the power of the Holy Spirit in my daily life. I really do want faith, hope, and love to be that which is truest of me, and I’m not going to get there without Him.

When Peace Becomes Sin

This was the title of Lou Engle’s message at our FCF services this Sunday.

This is probably the most offensive message I have ever heard Lou give. However, it also ranks above the others as the message he has given that I have most whole-heartedly agreed with.

I don’t even know how to describe the evening to you.

I talk to the Holy Spirit every day. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do, communing with God. I love my Comforter and Teacher. The Spirit of Life; the Spirit of Truth. The indwelling Spirit… the inescapable presence of God. The one who strengthens me with might in the inner man and causes me to abound in hope. The one who takes the things belonging to Jesus and gives them to me, instructing me in all wisdom and understanding. The more I become aware of this very real presence of God, the more I will walk in boldness and strength… the more I will be empowered to love as I want to love… the more I will walk in my true identity and respond to the heavenly calling… the more I will be able to lay down my life for the sake of love, even to the point of death.

As intimate as my relationship with the Holy Spirit is becoming (let’s be real though, I’m only touching the edges of what is available to me), I am sometimes shocked and surprised by the way that the Holy Spirit will manifest His presence.

I say all of that in order to explain this. Last night, I was feeling the Holy Spirit resting on me in a way that was so indescribably tangible and weighty. It was a notably intense manifestation of His presence that is relatively rare for me. One of those moments where your companion and friend becomes terrifyingly greater-than.

This started long before Lou got up to speak. I was so overwhelmed by the weight of His presence that I cried through our baby dedications… I cried through the prayer for our Samuel Company graduates (the kids)… and it just didn’t stop. By the time Lou got up to speak, my spirit was quite attentive and ready to receive.

I do not know how to describe the way that Lou’s words bore witness and resonated within me.

His message was necessarily controversial. It was honestly far from diplomatic. And it was the Word of the Lord for my life (and I believe the whole of the church) right now.

I don’t have time, at this moment, to write about the content of Lou’s message. But I will. I have to. This is just something of a heads-up about what is coming (on my blog) and the weightiness I am feeling.

Last night marked a changing of season in my life. The crossing of threshold that cannot be crossed back over. Though I’ve properly eaten and such, I’ve been shaking all day. My oh-so-practical roommate (we aptly call her Clarity) just told me, “Maybe it’s because your spirit is restless.” Restless and agitated in a good sense, that is. Well, sort of. I mean, it’s good that I am agitated, at least.

I look forward to sharing with you about the things the Lord is mandating in my life… my message and my passion. OK, so really… I’m terrified.

But it’s coming.

Into the Silence

As I mentioned in my last post, I am meeting this Silent Siege with excitement AND a little trepidation. (And it’s funny how similar excitement and trepidation can be.)

On one hand, I am in the middle of reading this REALLY obnoxious book called “Invitation to Silence and Solitude”. The book is actually quite phenomenal, it just stings a lot. As I am reading the book and seeking to develop these disciplines, I take the corporate invitation to silence as a welcome gift.

On the other hand, I am presently wrestling through some very intense things. Being alone in the silence with nothing but God, the accusations that are arising against Him, my own tossed-about emotions, and the deep wells of pain that I am stumbling upon is actually quite terrifying.

Something in me longs for distraction, anything that I might hide behind. Idle chatter… anything. Yet I know that I need to just press into this and fight it out until I come out fully surrendered and leaning on God. God seems pretty determined to work these things out in me… and I’m feeling rather hedged in at the moment. This Silent Siege being a pretty significant part of that hedging.

On top of that… we have the season of heightened grieving that I have recently found myself in. And, as it so happens, my mom died during the 90 Days of Consecration that I mentioned in my last post. I actually missed the first days of the consecration because I was home visiting my family. It was the last time that I saw my mom.

So… here I am… in a room full of people… in silence… in solitude… alone in my grief. Unsure about the things that are of utmost importance, unsure about God. Encountering pain that I cannot put into words. Crying a lot… in the silence… by myself.

Round 2?

Shortly after my mom died, I remember several people telling me (if I was even remotely OK at the time they saw me) that I was in shock and it was all going to hit me later.

In case there is any question in this matter, this certainly did nothing to encourage me. It did nothing to help me in the grieving process. It just made me really mad. …REALLY mad.

I was feeling A LOT of pain. I was encountering a deeper loss than I had ever known, and I was exercising that newly-learned skill of NOT shutting down emotionally. I was frustrated by the fact that me being able to rest in the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness (and stop crying for just a few minutes together) necessarily meant that I had a whole heap of deeper pain and sorrow lurking around the corner somewhere.

So, I was annoyed and did my best to ignore them, continuing to keep my heart open and meet the Lord in the midst of the most painful loss I had ever experienced.

And then the last week started up… and I realized that I was entering into another intense season of grieving my mother’s death.

Glowing?

In the last 24 hours or so, I have been told by several people that I am glowing. I haven’t actually SEEN that many people, so the frequency of the remarks kind of got my attention.

I think that people are mostly assuming that this has something to do with the fact that I am in a relationship. And it’s true… this certainly is a factor.

Richard and I are dating. He is a good man and I am quite fond of him. Obviously, I’m happy. If OTHER people are as excited as they are (the reactions have been amazing), it is surely no wonder that I am also pretty excited. (It’s a good thing. And I am, after all, the one in the relationship.)

However, I feel that I should note that this is not the only reason that I might be “glowing”.

Good Friday

I don’t really have time to write much about Good Friday, but it seemed like I should at least get something in before Easter (although it is technically Sunday already).

The service on Friday was amazing.

I knew they would be wearing all black. I didn’t expect it to impact me at all. It’s just a different color. I was wrong.

They looked so plain and bare and mournful. Just like the stripped altar at the front of the room. Plain… bare… empty… lacking. I guess I never consciously thought about it, but they usually come out in white or beautiful, bright colors. I had never seen these people stand at the front of the room with no ornamentation… in simple, dull black. There was such an evident absence… such a clear lack.

I knew that they would prostrate themselves once they reached the front of the room. I honestly expected it to feel a little cheesy. I expected to be somewhat amused, whilst yelling at myself internally for being so irreverent. I was wrong.

The moment was so somber. There was no processional music, as in a normal service. They simply entered in silence as we knelt between the pews. When they fell on their faces at the front of the room, my heart turned over within me. As they lingered there in that posture, the sobriety deepened.