As you may have noticed, it has been a long time since I posted to tell you about how amazing the people on my blogroll are. Well… I am finally getting back to it. So, picking up where we left off… here we have the delightful Meghan Roberts…

It feels like Meghan has been gone for ages. I really miss her a lot. It almost feels funny to be writing about here when it has been so long since I have seen her. But the distance that time has created in my interactions with this terrific woman of God may serve as a filter that sets apart the things that are must remarkable about her. These are the things that I remember most when I think of Meg. These are the things about her that stand out in my memory.

Meghan and I met just over a year and a half ago. I was looking for roommates to fill a new house. We didn’t really know each other at all, but I pretty much knew instantly that I wanted to live with this girl. She was fantastic.

Because we didn’t just want to live together as strangers, we started hanging out a bit, making a few random trips to this little coffee shop that stays open past midnight. Though I didn’t know her well, I quickly grew comfortable with her. Meghan is just like that. It is easy to feel safe and comfortable with her. She is warm… and kind… and easy to talk to.

In general, I would say that Meghan has a gift with people. Whether she is serving or connecting with a near strangers or spending time with a good friend, she creates this safe environment where you feel like you can let your guard down and be at ease in being who you are and doing what you do. Perhaps this is why she exceeds so much as a waitress. It’s hard to enjoy a meal when you feel uncomfortable every time your waitress walks up to the table, isn’t it? I’m not exactly sure how to describe it, but life felt more peaceful around her.

Though she has been away from the IHOP bubble for some time, I have great confidence that she is out there doing this thing for real. I’m sure she’s stumbled through it. I’m sure she’s encountered a great deal of her own weakness. But her leaving IHOP does not in any way equate to her ceasing to love the Lord and wholly pursue Him. It takes an amazing strength (a whole lot of grace) to live a life of prayer without the support and encouragement of a community like ours directly surrounding you every day. 

Another thing that really stands out in my memories of Meghan was the amazing giver that she is. She is a thoughtful giver and a joyful giver. She delights in blessing others. And the way that she gives bears witness to the way that she sees them. Her gifts aren’t random. She remembers things and recognizes things and finds a way to give something to a person that speaks to who they are and the reality that they are seen. 

Meghan is enjoyably genuine and genuinely fun. She is a very real person. She is genuine and loves truth. But she is real in a way that is not abrasive. And, as I said, she is genuinely fun. I had a ridiculous amount of fun with that girl. Perhaps it was the simple reality of being so at ease around her. When the tensions dissipate, it’s a lot easier to enjoy life.

Meghan is also one who perseveres. She is remarkably good at ”pushing delete” and moving forward. She doesn’t let weakness stop her altogether.

And… Meghan is coming to town! How exciting is that. What’s funny is that I wrote this post, clicked save so that I could go to the prayer room last night, and then returned to find a comment from her informing me that she was coming. Timing is funny like that. (The only thing I have written since getting her comment was this little paragraph here.) So… I am really excited to see her again! Woo hoo!

OK… that’s it. Just a few words about Miss Meghan Roberts.

So, I have a lot of things I want to write about right now. But I need to get to bed. So I won’t. But these are a few of the topics that I wish I had the time to sit down and write about: Loving the God Who Hates Wickedness; Emotional Stability? (numbness, the present evil age, etc.); Phenomenal Friendship.

I have too much to say about each of those to be able to say anything right now. When it comes to this topic, however, I have little to say. So I will write briefly tonight just to be able to get SOMETHING out.

I miss school. It’s as simple as that.

When I finished college, I was ready to be done. In fact… I was tempted, at many points, to jump ship a little early. I wasn’t sick of learning, but I was burnt out by my experience of the academic community. I wasn’t sick of math, but I was burnt out on math classes.

I did consider getting my Master’s Degree in something that wasn’t strictly math. The further you ventured from “pure math” and purely academic study, the less the community seemed to reflect the things that I wanted to get away from. I considered an MA in Mathematics Education. But a significant portion of my study focus would have been graduate math classes… and that’s what I was ready to get away from. I’ve also tossed around ideas of going to school to study theology. But my experiences in advanced math make me weary of that option as well.

I am certain that this is true in many (if not most) academic fields… but my experience has shown me that it is definitely true of advanced mathematicians. They are an arrogant, competitive, proud, self-promoting lot of “Look at how much better I am than you and everyone else” jerks. Seriously.

It grated on me. I hated sitting through classes with them every day and watching their little show-downs. I hated the pull of temptation that I felt to leap into that deadly game with them. I hated my desire to prove myself and establish my place among them. It was wearying and painful to watch them destroy themselves and tear one another down. And it was exhasting to continually have to choose not to be a part of this thing that I was beginning to recognize as utterly repulsive.

Their behavior and their attitudes were the antithesis of humility… with a few exceptions among them. And the professors and instructors were no different. A few exceptions here and there, but these instructors were similarly arrogant men who presided over those little pride-war stricken realms we called a classroom. Most of them, after all, were just a few steps ahead of the rest of the students. And many of them were more concerned with clearly establishing their superiority than they were with actually educating us up and bringing us up to their level in any way.

I had one professor who probably had more to brag of than nearly all of these arrogant mathematicians (instructors and students alike). I am going to follow his example and be quiet about the details his accomplishments and credentials. But he had more to boast of than any of these self-deceived narcissists. And he didn’t.

I don’t think I met a single person in that little sphere who demonstrated more humility than this man. He was almost embarrassed of his accomplishments. It was shocking. And it was beautiful. Humility truly is radiant.

But there were few like him. And I had to get out of that world. Perhaps because I was too weak and too susceptible to becoming like them in every way. Perhaps because we were meant to hate wickedness and the truly despicable things that permeate this present evil age.

This is part of what makes me fearful of really diving into theology to the degree that I would like to. It’s painful to watch men who have already declared hatred for God feeding their pride to the fullest. This grieves God, as well. Yet it is completely another thing to see someone turn the pursuit of the knowledge of God into such a competition. And especially when the people you see playing with this darkness are your brethren… professing believers and followers of Christ.

I know that God sees it continually. And I cannot even imagine the depths of His emotions related to this issue. He is jealous for His bride and He experiences pain at our choices for such death. But I don’t think that my frame could handle it. Without numbing myself to it, I don’t know how close of an encounter with such things I could handle before I was utterly crushed by it. Agreement with God. To feel as He feels about that which is fading away. I “know” now that men are wicked. Can I handle actually knowing it?

But I miss it. Not the aspects I have just described… but the focused and intentional application of my mind to pursuing truth and knowledge. It is an act of worship. For me, loving mathematics and the order of creation was loving the God of creation whose design and craftsmanship we were exploring. And what better discipline could I give my mental capacities to than the pursuit of the knowledge of God?

And… for one reason or another… academic study is appealing to me. It is not “the best” way of pursuing the knowledge of God. But it is one method by which I desire to do so.

I know I don’t need to be in school to do that. But school is generally meant to be conducive to such study. And… whatever the reasons may be… I am feeling a great lack of such pursuit in my present situation. Perhaps I just need to better manage my responsibility and the things that I desire to pursue.

I think this is one of the things that I really respect about Richard Liantonio. He is doing what I wish I was doing. I know he isn’t walking it out perfectly. But I am not skilled to discern or qualified to evaluate his degree of success in all of his pursuits.

In any case… He is giving himself to the pursuit of God. He worships with his heart and with his mind. Somehow, this man is serving FULL TIME as an intercessor on the night watch. He is associate worship leading and writing songs that come out of his studies and true encounters with the God he loves. His heart is moving and alive and he is tender before the Lord. He is teaching and helping others to pursue the knowledge of God. He is continuing to move forward in serious studies… currently pursuing his master’s degree and with full intention of getting his doctorate when that is finished. He is proclaiming truth and declaring the Good News of the coming reign of God. Beyond completing assignments, he is writing excellent ideas and could truly contribute a great deal to the academic community (and simply to the community of lovers of God.) AND… he values relationship and lives in a way that reflects such values.

I don’t know how he does it. A lot of grace. God tends to greatly support the things that He loves. And He really wants to be known.

When I watch Richard press through the challenges that he faces at IHOP and in school, I find myself almost longing for it. I miss being stretched and challenged in those ways. I read his papers and I miss writing my own.

I have lots of reasons for wanting to go back to school. And not all of them are entirely good. In part, I just miss having professors praise my work. I miss having professors praise me and encourage me to give my life to pursuing whatever particular field of study they have chosen because they think I have potential in those areas. I miss semester grades. In short, I miss the affirmation.

Oops. I apparently had a lot more to say about that than I thought I did. (I thought that I was just going to say that I missed school.) So… I will stop at that.

I miss school. I’m not about to drop everything and go back to school right away or anything like that. But I miss it. And it seems that my mild yearning for it isn’t fading, but is actually growing stronger.

Eh? What’s that you’re reading there, Matt? 

…

OK, so I confess that I may have made a bit of an exception to my blogroll qualification rules in adding Matt Hartke to the list. I don’t actually know the guy all that well. I do, however, know him well enough to recognize that he is pretty stinking fantastic. And those who do know him well assure me that he is quite wonderful. (Some of them may be a tad bit partial… like… his sister. But I am inclined to believe them.)

I admit that I borrowed a great deal from the affection that I feel towards Matt’s sister, Audra, in order to meet the blogroll criterion of “I feel an exceptional affection for them.” But, again… if I knew the guy better, I’m sure the affection would be there.

While I am on the topic, though… let me pause for a moment to talk about how great Audra is. Until recently, Audra was an associate worship leader on Clay Edwards’ team. Because she likes things like sunlight and following the leadership of the Lord, however, Audra has recently left the night watch. What a sad, sad loss that has been!

I miss Audra’s presence in our team briefings. I miss hanging out with her on our night off. I miss our occasional indulgences in some of our random bad habits (staying up late, eating bad food). And I especially miss hearing her songs every couple of nights. She has one song in particular that made me cry pretty much every time she sang it. For real, her lyrics bless my socks off. The Lord really meets me in her songs. Hmmm… maybe I just need to find an excuse to blog about Audra someday.

OK, back to Matt.

My first knowledge of Matt was “that guy who ate those mushrooms” back in 2004… or somewhere around there. I’m not going to include the story here, but I encourage you to ask Matt about it if you don’t know what I am talking about. I know that Matt is FAR more intelligent than this particular incident would seem to indicate. Thus, it amuses me greatly that the whole thing actually happened.

Matt is one of those shockingly young people. Everyone always seems to expect him to be at least a few years older than he is. He is just so old-looking. OK, not really. He’s simply a remarkably mature guy.

Matt is truly a student of the word. When he would make an appearance at Audra’s Thursday night hang-outs, he fairly frequently steered our conversations toward fantastic theological depth. I love where our conversations often turned when Matt was around. Matt talks about the big questions. He goes deep.

Matt’s blog is particularly thought-provoking. I read it regularly. At least as regularly as he writes. After my first hour or so of hopping around on his blog, I instantly added him to my blogroll. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even pause to think about it. I just loved the way his posts made me think. I loved the way they challenged different ideas and made me consider new things.

Matt is also a great communicator. He actually cares about effective communication. How could I not be completely thrilled with the guy after he let me indulge my inner editor when I addressed some fairly minor deficiencies in his communication of a particular idea? (Note: if you read the post and read my comment, you might be puzzled as to what I was calling unclear. To eliminate any potential confusion… please note that he edited the post to remedy to problem after I commented. Like I said, he cares about effective communication.)

So… there you have it… my “I’m relatively uninformed but thoroughly impressed” summation of Matt Hartke.

I first knew that I was going to love Kacie when she left tip art on the table at IHOP. People used to mock me for doing that. But here she was… someone who was unashamed to leave a silly but fun surprise for the waitress to discover when she returned to collect her tip.

The next notable and distinct memory that I have of Kacie was when she and Victoria laughed and harassed me ceaselessly after someone walked me home in the rain. (I still hold that their conclusions were wrong. He was just being a gentleman. Then again… a couple of months later, said person and I were dating. Hmm…) 

She also holds a special place in my heart as the girl who introduced me to Annie’s mac & cheese. What a gift! I can hardly handle Kraft anymore.

As it turns out, though, Kacie Watson has become far more significant to me than ”the girl who left the cute little tip man,” “the girl who said ’that was cute’ when I came home soaking wet,” and “the girl who revolutionized my consumption of cheesy pasta.”

I am undeservedly blessed with the rare treasure of knowing a fraction of this girl’s heart. She still has this amazing hiddenness. I don’t think the world had quite caught on yet to how unbelievably great she is. But she is… she really is. And God knows it. He knows, more than anyone, the beauty that He is producing in her. He sees her willingness to say yes and embrace pain as she comes into greater maturity. And He is so pleased and delighted at her choices.

Anyone who knows her just a little bit knows that Kacie is incredibly patient. I have watched her truly suffer long through situations that others would have given up on almost immediately. I am awed by her patience with others. I am incredibly grateful for her patience with me.

Even as I have become a relatively flakey friend in the last few weeks, she has still loved and embraced the scattered me that I have been able to make available in sadly short increments of time. I value her more than my inconsistent behaviour has demonstrated lately. And, because of her patience, there’s a good chance she’ll stick around long enough to potentially discover that reality.

When it comes to God’s perfecting and prodding and pruning and piercing (… sorry… I got stuck in the p’s), Kacie is so tender and open. She is obedient. Rather than shutting down her heart or stubbornly resisting, she is malleable in the Lord’s hands. I love it. I can only imagine how God feels about it!

You know how God sometimes provides you with those friends who are walking through similar struggles to remind you that you are not alone and to give you hope as you continually choose to press on? Kacie has been one of those amazing, timely friends in my life. Definitely a God-send. For real.

As we have both been growing and maturing, it amazes me the way that she has shared her heart. She has been open and vulnerable. And God has blessed me through her transparency. Because of her honesty, I have known that I am not alone in some of my own thoughts and reactions.

The thing that has been most remarkable, though, is that Kacie and I don’t commiserate in the midst of our pain. Though we could truly relate in a variety of sources of suffering and confusion in our lives, I cannot recall a single conversation that I have left with that “ugh” feeling that those kinds of situations often end in. Instead, I usually find myself strengthened and encouraged. She really is a good “running” partner.

I have also witnessed in Kacie a steadfastness, perseverance, and refusal to compromise when it has been most important. Her life and her choices inspire me!

Another way that Kacie has blessed me is through her art. Beyond the just-plain-cool-ness of it, it’s like her art holds this record of her journey of growth and overcoming through the grace of God. It’s beautiful. For real. When I look at it, I don’t just see “pretty stuff on paper”… I see who she is and what God has led her through. And… it has frequently ministered to me in my place of like trials and battles.

I could say more from the glimpses of Kacie’s beauty that God has blessed me with. But I don’t want to go and uncover all of her hiddenness now, do I?

Seriously, Kacie Watson is a blessing and a treasure. I thank God for her with a sincere and grateful heart.

 
(Amanda is on the far left)

When I promised to write about each of the people on my short blogroll, I was quite excited about the task — an opportunity to ramble on about how great some of my favorite people are. And then I sat down to actually do it…

How do I do justice to such a topic?

It’s kind of like the intimidation that hits me when I sit down to write about the beauty of God. It can be paralyzing. How can my words come close? Writing about Amanda is a similar. Obviously, Amanda isn’t exactly on quite the same level as God, but you get the idea.

Amanda is one of the sweetest, most innocent, and most genuine people I know. She is kind. She is funny. She is interesting. And she is REALLY intelligent. I mean… seriously, the girl is smart. And I can have lots of surprisingly lengthy conversations with her about things that most people simply do not care about. (Things like grammar, etc.)

Amanda is absolutely hilarious. I laugh a lot more when I am around that girl. And, more often than not, it’s because she meant to be funny. (Being a woman who is skilled with words, she almost seems to think in puns. Occasionally, something horribly cheesy will come out of her mouth. She’ll groan at the fact that she has just said it and then she’ll laugh at herself and move on. Between the filler of the cheesy puns, though, an abundance of exceptionally funny remarks come out of her mouth.)

Another unique characteristic about Amanda… she can laugh at me for doing something stupid without making me feel stupid. Nothing gets by this girl. If I ask a dumb question, she’ll give the obvious answer. If I say or do something that is… well… less than intelligent, she isn’t afraid to tell me as much. But, again, I don’t feel ashamed.

It seems that Amanda and I frequently have opportunity to laugh together about one or the other of us doing something remarkably dumb. Oh the joys of laughing through it.

Another thing I enjoy about being around Amanda is how similarly we think sometimes. During briefings, I’ll be sitting there in silence (sometimes too hesitant to speak) and she’ll voice exactly what was on my mind. I love it. The most remarkable illustration of our similar little brains, however, is a game we once played…

In the Turbo Cranium game, there is a card called the “Mind Meld.” You pick two people on your team who you think can give the same answers. You are given a word or phrase and then have to write down three words that come to mind. The goal is to match two of them with your partner.

When the card was described to us, we knew this was a task for Amanda and I. We were given Mardi Gras. Did we match at least two of our three words? Ha! We matched all three and wrote them in the same exact order! Not only that… we used the exact same capitalization!!!

beads
New Orleans
Parade

People were amazed. Amanda and I were amazed. In conclusion… it was amazing.

When you interact with Amanda just a little bit, you are likely to be surprised by her age. She is exceptionally mature. She is also an amazing student, an incredible servant, and a diligent worker. She’s one of those rare people that I could trust to do just about anything for me (without freaking out about the end result).

I have only observed two guys who I consider to even possibly be worthy of Amanda Beattie. I would never tell those two guys or put the names in Amanda’s head. That would be far from helpful. But… seriously… there are only two.

There are so many other excellent qualities that I could enumerate… but this blog has already gotten fairly lengthy. To put it simply… I REALLY enjoy Amanda Beattie. She is truly amazing. (And her family seems to be pretty fantastic as well.) I am truly blessed to call her my friend and just flat out lucky to call her my roommate.

So… if you haven’t gotten to know Amanda Beattie… I highly recommend buying her coffee or something and sitting down to discover some of the beauty of who she is. This girl is totally worth your time.