Random String of Emotions

I wanted to write a post about the things that are on my mind. I was going to call it “Grateful” because I am full of gratitude right now.

Then I realized that a lot of what was on my mind was really intimidating and I was scared. Change of plans: I was going to call it “Grateful & Scared”.

Then I realized that a lot of what was on my mind was…

I could keep going like this for a while. We’ll just stop there and sum it up with this: I am feeling A LOT of emotions right now. (I’m feeling. Let’s just pause for a moment to thank the Lord for that one. My heart is alive. So very alive. That wasn’t always true.)

When I said that I would stop there and sum it up, I didn’t mean to stop the entire post. At least I didn’t think that I did.

I started to write about the things that are on my mind.

I realized that this wasn’t stuff to blog about. Not yet.

I highlighted and deleted huge chunks of text.

I stopped and realized that there was nothing left but a play-by-play skeletal description of an event that was never allowed to… happen. Happening is to events as living is to organisms. It seems that there was no event after all.

The post could not bear witness, itself, to the fact that it nearly existed. It could not bear witness because it did not exist. Nonexistent anythings are nothing at all. Something must exist to truly be or do anything.

I judged it as right to leave this. I saw it fitting to leavesome evidence of a thing that nearly existed but was never allowed.

Here this is. And here that isn’t.

Or is it?

You’re Killing Me with Your Words!

That’s right… You are killing me with the words of or related to you.

Not to be mistaken for: “Your killing me with You’re words.”

The sadly prolific problem of people using “your” in place of “you’re” drives me crazy. I usually just let it go. But today, I cannot.

I have seen it 7 times today. SEVEN TIMES. The first time made me cringe. The second time was just annoying. The third time was beyond obnoxious. And by the fourth time, it had become near excruciating.

Number 6 brought the outburst. I looked up and saw an offending your on the white-board of the briefing room. I could keep silent no more. “That’s the sixth time I’ve seen that today!!!” Which opened the door to a shockingly emotional rant about incorrect words. Actually, I managed to contain most of my passion about this problem and subdued the rant before it completely took off. But more frustration oozed out than I meant to ever display.

Sigh.

Walking, Dreaming, Writing

Yesterday, I woke up and my thoughts were poetry. It was like my spirit was singing.

I have words racing through my mind all the time. Yesterday, they were dancing through my mind. They weren’t frantically striving for function… they were playfully and gracefully interacting with one another and finding beauty.

It was like the difference between rushing to a meeting and walking in the mountains, just to walk. Such walks have purpose, but their joy and life isn’t squeezed out for the sake of greater efficiency.

The difference in the words that morning wasn’t a matter of mere pace. The words did move more slowly and casually, at times, just as I may take things in and progress more slowly in a walk through nature. But, in moments, they also had that energized quickness that the mountains so easily awaken in me.

The words were beautiful. There was rhythm… cadence.  It really was like a song.