Something Like Normal

January 19, 2007

I recently decided to abandon my many-named schedule that had me staying up until 2pm and then sleeping until 10pm. (It has been called crazy, retarded, ridiculous, ludicrous, weird… and on and on. The names abound. None of them are particularly favorable, though.)

There were simply too many complications. It takes a lot of work to make a schedule like that work. And, as I am trying to simplify in the midst of the consecration right now, I realized that I really needed to just let go. I know that I can do it. But the sacrifices I would have to make in order to make it work just weren’t worth it to me… at least not right now.

I’m having a really hard time with it, though.

For one thing… I really miss the prayer room in the morning. I had grown quite attached. And I enjoy having all of that extra time that I can spend in the prayer room if I want to. I miss my prayer room team and I miss the morning worship teams. And I think I even miss the weirdness of my old schedule.

I haven’t been doing a good job of going to bed on time lately. At all. I won’t get into the details… but I’m definitely struggling with my recent decision. (For example… it’s 8:45 and I should have been in bed at 7.)

Please pray for me as I try to adjust. I know this should be somehow possible.  Somehow. The rest of the night watch does it!


One comment

  1. I can’t help relating this to what I’m going through now (and though one voice tries to tell me that’s weak another says that it’s a good thing and I’m going with the “other”). I pray that the Father will reveal to you, in the midst of and through this, how it is that He crafted you, what it is about you that is rightly abnormal . . . and that He will show you how to be you without killing yourself (i.e., with a too-weird schedule). Too often we see it as either-or: either I get to be me or I get to fit in. I know that He has the grace to accomplish both simultaneously–that’s what Grace does, that’s precisely how He works and it shouldn’t surprise us that He constantly allows these opportunities. Isn’t this the thing we pray for? I know it’s what I pray for–for grace and peace, for the grace to turn the conflict into something beautiful. But I kinda think we have to encounter the conflict, there has to be some tension, some difference that doesn’t work without His touch.

    I pray that He’ll show you what it is in this schedule thing that is Him calling to you and help you to find expression for that that works.

    Idunno, even in writing this, I’m battling the accusation of dysfunctional weirdness ;-), but I have hope, for both of us, for all of us.

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