So this is devastation

February 13, 2007

I feel like I have to say something… but I don’t have the words yet. It seems like a million words have been running through my mind all day… but 90% of it was mostly just me pleading again and again, “Oh, God, help me.”

I’m still convinced that the things which have taken place in the last 24 hours are impossible. I mean, really… how can this actually be true?

In the middle of the night last night (I lack details as to when), my mom simply stopped breathing. They took her to the hospital, but she passed away. I found out around 5am. I can only imagine what that moment was like to the friends who were in the other room when I collapsed into a gasping, convulsing heap on the floor. 

Right now, I don’t know any details. I have no answers and nothing even remotely resembling an explanation. I just know that she is gone. And I miss her.

I don’t have the strength right now to say anything else. I am completely exhausted (I have only slept three hours since I woke up on Saturday… yeah… it’s almost 2am on Monday night now.)

I have amazing friends. And God has continually shown His goodness toward me throughout the day. Perhaps later I will describe the abundant blessings that have filled what has almost surely been the most difficult day of my life.



  1. […] Pray for Christine… this is the “extenuating circumstance” I mentioned in my previous post, but […]

  2. i love you, friend, and am praying God be with you as you mourn and remember your mom. she blessed me immensely (financially and prayerfully before the throne) just hours before you texted to tell me the news. she was a good lady; i am blessed to have encountered her even briefly, and blessed to have a friend in her daughter.

    please sleep. i’m a broken record, i know it. but i’m right. and you know it. : ) bless you and God be with you, indeed.

  3. Christine,
    I have no words of wisdom, nor would I want to give them if I did have them. All I have is the promise that you are in my prayers. So I give you that promise.

    God be with you.

  4. As little as possible should be said in times like this when words so easily fail – so I will be brief. I am praying for you Christine, praying that no one in their well-meaning intentions of “comfort” will rob of you the full human dignity of mourning and grieving over life and love lost, praying that all we discussed in Luke 24 about authentic yet ambivalent resurrection faith will continue to hold true in your life. You are loved and joined by many in your sorrow, including myself.

  5. “Just as he knew the time for silence, he also knew the time for speech. Oh admirable consoler! He did not seek to drown grief in oblivion, but to exalt and dignify it through hope.”

    (Victor Hugo, Les Miserables, book 1, IV)

  6. touché!

  7. Christine, I have no claim to know you but I have seen your beautiful heart in the words you share with the world. I appreciate your transparency (a rare quality in he world today!) especially during this overwhelming time; thank you for allowing your brokeness to reflect God’s glory even now. My heart breaks for you as you wrestle with such a painful and unexpected loss. I pray you will continue to be surrounded and sustained by His love.

  8. Christine, Your mom was a wonderful person. I loved her very much. I enjoyed working with her and your dad in the nursery. She loved everyone that is for sure. I am praying for you and your dad. I hope you can continue to keep finding some solace with your God that you know so well and are still learning and pressing into more.

  9. tears…

  10. I don’t always have the best way with words.I’m so sorry for your loss, I know what its like to lose a parent. Your Mom was an awesome woman of God, and friend. I’m miss her too, but I know that can’t compare, to how you must feel. My mom is my absolute best friend, I can’t even imagine not having her. God is an amazing God though, and he can bring you through this. I know you have lots of friends, but if you ever need anything I’m here for you. You are in my prayers.

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