Pasty White

March 2, 2007

Some people fail to recognize just how pale I am. I sometimes describe my skin as paper-white. While that is a bit of an exageration, it isn’t too far from the truth. Have you ever had that blinding experience of looking at a blank sheet of pure white paper that the sun was shining directly onto? I’ve had about the same experience with my skin a couple of times. (That’s why I started calling it paper-white.)

I’m about as white as they get. And being on the night watch doesn’t help.

Actually… I’m a little bit pink. My skin is somewhere between WHITE white and completely invisible. I figure the pinkness is just seeing all of my blood and such… because my poor white skin didn’t do a very good job of hiding it.

Anyway, as an illustration of how pale I am, I give you Mary Kay. …

In their creme-to-poweder foundation, they have three basic colors. Ivory, Beige, and Bronze. Which one am I? Ivory, obviously… the one named after that extremely light-colored substance found on elephants. Goody.

Within those colors, they have numbers, indicating the shade of ivory, beige, or bronze. The larger the number, the darker the color. These are in whole numbers: 1, 2, 3, 4. There’s no such thing as 1.5 or 2.5 and the like.

At this point, you might expect my skin color to be Ivory 1, then. Right? The smallest whole number of the lightest color. No. My foundation, if purchased through Mary Kay, is Ivory 0.5.

I was too pale to even be a whole 1.

It’s almost insulting. Or it seems like it should be. Couldn’t they call my color Ivory 1 and just adjust the other numbers up by one? Fairly simple. As it is, it’s almost as if they are making a statement about how stinking pale I am.  Sigh…

So, there you have it. I really am pasty white. Maybe they should take Ivory 0.5 out of the ivory category altogether and just create a fourth color. They could even name it Pasty White. It’s no worse than 0.5 in a scale of WHOLE NUMBERS!!



  1. i actually find your skin to be quite beautiful. and this is coming from a fellow whitey, so it’s fairly serious.

    the whole super-tan-skin thing grosses me out. even moderately tan skin looks a bit off sometimes… but pasty white people, now that’s just something else. it stands out–in a fresh way, not like “hey there albino!”–it’s a thing of beauty.

    i intentionally do everything possible to not tan during sunny months. being on nights helps, but nonetheless, i just don’t like the idea of cooking my skin so i look like i live a luxurious and lazy life with plenty of time to lay around in the sun. and i come from a coast. people think i’m so weird… which is nothing new, but for real, in ten years when i see them all again at some random reunion and i’m the only one that looks my age (as opposed to looking like a dark-skinned leathery grandma), it’s going to be sweet…

    yes. hoorah for pasty people! i love it.

  2. I don’t tan. I burn. To a crisp. I tan afterwards, but it only lasts until my sunburn peels off.

    I decided that if God wanted me to be tan, He would have made me tan. I’m pasty and unashamed.

  3. Does Mary Kay make a 0.5? Because if they do, I need it. I’ve given up on foundation I’m so light. I just have to go with the powder coverage. That I CAN find pale enough.

    🙂 The joys of being pasty white.

  4. Well… in their creme to powder they do. Ivory 0.5 is probably the foundation for you. 🙂 I haven’t tried the others. Excessivly pore-clogging and what-not. Or at least I always felt like my pores were being suffocated in other foundations. I pretty much just do powder… and occassional use this creme-to-powder stuff.

  5. Oh yeah… I was going to say something else.

    While going for a walk today, someone suggested that my friend Kirk might be more pale than me. So we compared. Yeah… I was way whiter. Hopes crushed within hours of their formation.

    On the bright side, someone told me that I at least don’t look sickly, in my excessive paleness. Yay!

    (Amanda – I typically burn as well. really, my skin is like shades of red/pink. My unburnt skin is a very very light pink that is close to white. When I burn… the color intensifies. So maybe I should start calling myself pink. Hmm….)

  6. Hmmm…. I must consult my friend who does Mary Kay… but before I do that, I need to get some sleep.

    I’m up way too late already.

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