A Question for You

April 28, 2007

Note: All quotes in this post are not going to be exact. I typically remember quotes (even large chunks of a conversation) fairly accurately. I’m all about precision. However, my exact-quoting ability seems to be completely shot today. I can’t remember anything word for word at the moment.

A conversation I had in the middle of a remarkably unintelligent trip to Starbucks this morning (quite likely the reason that I am still awake) kind of surprised me. And it has led me to pose a question to you, the readers of my blog. Before I get to the question, though… I’ll fill you in on the conversation.

I was in the car with Sarah Stroer and Amanda Beattie when I said, “So, I had a really good conversation with Leah the other night. I’ve decided not to leave the night watch.” 

The remark was met with silence. And then those awkward huh? responses of: “Umm… that’s great. I’m glad to hear… that.” As I was slowly beginning to realized why they were so puzzled, one of them actually asked, “Were you seriously thinking of leaving?”

As a matter of fact… yes. I was seriously considering it. Not like, “I’m so serious it’s almost a for-sure thing.” But definitely much more seriously than I had considered working for the bookstore right up until the night before I was hired. It’s been on my mind a lot. Switching to days has been surprisingly tempting lately… especially when you consider the fact that I would have completely scoffed at the idea a few months ago.

What’s odd about this is that Sarah and Amanda are definitely two of my closest friends. And they had no idea that I was actually seriously (or semi-seriously) thinking about leaving the night watch.

I am now realizing that I quite possibly didn’t tell anyone about this. That’s a pretty big thing to keep completely to myself. All I can think to say to that is, “Ummm… oops.”

So… there’s the question.

Did anyone out there have any idea what-so-ever that I was thinking about leaving the night watch?

I intend to blog later about my reasons for considering it and the fruits of my conversation with Leah. But if any of you have theories as to why I would want to switch to days, you are welcome to throw them out there as well. (It’s almost a, “So how well do you know my weaknesses?” invitation.)



  1. I can’t say that the fact that you were thinking about it surprises me – you were debating your schedule so much a while back.

  2. I haven’t heard anything like that from you lately…

  3. I had no idea, except that you’ve been wrestling with the idea of an altered night watch and, well, you’re an intractable non-conformist–and with both dilemmas, I confess, I empathize and have certainly made it worse (or, depending on your perspective, better–i.e., I’ve encouraged your difficultness).

    In no particular order:

    For someone with your organizational abilities, ambition (in the sense that you’re a motivated person who has clear ideas of what she wants to do) and, ironically (the irony comes in the dependent clause), discipline, staying on a steady night watch schedule takes extraordinary discipline. I think the night watch requires a certain letting go. I don’t think you can (maybe you can but I’m not sure that you should) do it by an excess of efficiency. There’s stuff that you just have to let go of in the daywalkers’ world. You can’t be and do certain things. You have to discipline yourself to let go of some of the things that your discipline drives you to. Most good things at least sound like a paradox. 🙂

    The loss of hiddenness (with GodTV et al. encroaching). As you’ve discussed this recently, I’ve been seriously freaked out on your behalf. As you’ve said, that’s one of the great benefits of watching through the night. If I were on the night watch, this would definitely be one of my biggest reasons for doing so.

    Secretly, you do like to sleep (see the first reason).

    You’re also in denial about the fact that you’re actually a morning person. 😉 Don’t worry, though: you already get the best hours (2-6). I prefer coming to them out of REM and other altered states of consciousness, awaking to the darkness and witnessing the unveiling of the dawn from relative rest and then knowing that you’ll face the “real world” on the platform of that place of prayer and revelation. But there are benefits your way, too.

    Those are just some things that come quickly to mind. Probably too much projecting (except for the first one, which probably just sounds weird).

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