I’m Home Again

September 29, 2007

I stayed in the prayer room until about 2:45 tonight. It felt like coming home.

I don’t know if I will ever feel at home on a day schedule. I was made for the night watch. I do not doubt that. I’ve always loved staying awake through the night to commune with the Lord. Though I don’t understand it, there has always been something different about the night time for me. And here, He has given me a community in which I can stand through the night in the place of prayer and adoration.

I’m not REALLY back yet. I still have to teach in the morning. Which means I still have to go to bed by about 3am every night. I can’t pretend that this will be easy. It will take a lot of discipline to go to bed on time. But I imagine it will be a great deal easier than going to bed at 9:30 pm!!!

Being on days, I could never really get over that homesick feeling. I knew I was out of place. I was longing for the night watch… how absurd must that seem?

I guess it’s kind of like the groan and longing that I feel in the midst of this broken, fallen world. My pain tells me that it’s not right… that I’m not at home. I belong in a world where sin and death no longer have dominion. I belong in unbroken fellowship. So long as creation is groaning and longing for His return, when He sets everything right, I will feel that homesick ache. This isn’t what I was made for. This is not the context in which I was made to dwell.


One comment

  1. I tend to think that you made the right choice . . . but please do sleep and don’t get carried away. I say this from my own recent experience: that I have to discipline myself or even the good things become a problem. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, I’m happy because I think you’re in the right place.

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