I Miss Her So Much

October 5, 2007

It really hurts. It doesn’t stop.

I was in a car for 8 hours yesterday and cried several times in the midst of that. Today, I tried to take a nap (because I had about 4 hours of sleep) and ended up spending two thirds of that time just laying in my bed and crying.

It hurts more this week than it usually does. I don’t know why. I don’t expect that I ever will really understand it. All I know is that it is really painful.

There are some days where I think about her constantly and I feel the pain of the loss, but it isn’t crippling. Today isn’t one of those days. Today, I feel crippled.

I miss my mom. It’s still so unreal. Until Jesus comes back and EVERYTHING gets better, this is the unalterable reality that I must live in. My mother is gone.

OK… my roommate is sitting a couple of feet away from me and I am starting to well up again. Time for bed.



  1. From another blog:

    “Don’t be afraid of the grief, Ali. It is a beautiful part of human healing. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel about the loss of someone you loved so deeply. Let the pain last as long as it needs to last, but don’t be afraid of it. Simply thinking of the fact that emotional pain is nothing to fear… well that really changed my perspective when I was hurting. I hope it does the same for you. Pain like this is beautifully human. You loved her.”


  2. I am still amazed at the randomness of things that will bring me to tears over my mother. Last Saturday I cried over hot air ballons???

    I can’t tell you that it gets better or easier but maybe we just get used to that feeling.

    I loved your mom almost as much as my own and I also miss her terribly. She was a truly wonderful person and there is way more of her in you than you realise.

    I love you.

  3. Jim – Thank you.

    Heather – Thank you.

  4. I lost my sister when she was 16 on Christmas Eve 2004 so I know how you must feel. I miss my sis deeply and I think about her all the time. It is my great joy that I know where she is and I know that I’m on my way to see her. But I do still miss her. I will be praying for you that you recieve full healing of your heart.

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