When Peace Becomes Sin

November 18, 2008

This was the title of Lou Engle’s message at our FCF services this Sunday.

This is probably the most offensive message I have ever heard Lou give. However, it also ranks above the others as the message he has given that I have most whole-heartedly agreed with.

I don’t even know how to describe the evening to you.

I talk to the Holy Spirit every day. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do, communing with God. I love my Comforter and Teacher. The Spirit of Life; the Spirit of Truth. The indwelling Spirit… the inescapable presence of God. The one who strengthens me with might in the inner man and causes me to abound in hope. The one who takes the things belonging to Jesus and gives them to me, instructing me in all wisdom and understanding. The more I become aware of this very real presence of God, the more I will walk in boldness and strength… the more I will be empowered to love as I want to love… the more I will walk in my true identity and respond to the heavenly calling… the more I will be able to lay down my life for the sake of love, even to the point of death.

As intimate as my relationship with the Holy Spirit is becoming (let’s be real though, I’m only touching the edges of what is available to me), I am sometimes shocked and surprised by the way that the Holy Spirit will manifest His presence.

I say all of that in order to explain this. Last night, I was feeling the Holy Spirit resting on me in a way that was so indescribably tangible and weighty. It was a notably intense manifestation of His presence that is relatively rare for me. One of those moments where your companion and friend becomes terrifyingly greater-than.

This started long before Lou got up to speak. I was so overwhelmed by the weight of His presence that I cried through our baby dedications… I cried through the prayer for our Samuel Company graduates (the kids)… and it just didn’t stop. By the time Lou got up to speak, my spirit was quite attentive and ready to receive.

I do not know how to describe the way that Lou’s words bore witness and resonated within me.

His message was necessarily controversial. It was honestly far from diplomatic. And it was the Word of the Lord for my life (and I believe the whole of the church) right now.

I don’t have time, at this moment, to write about the content of Lou’s message. But I will. I have to. This is just something of a heads-up about what is coming (on my blog) and the weightiness I am feeling.

Last night marked a changing of season in my life. The crossing of threshold that cannot be crossed back over. Though I’ve properly eaten and such, I’ve been shaking all day. My oh-so-practical roommate (we aptly call her Clarity) just told me, “Maybe it’s because your spirit is restless.” Restless and agitated in a good sense, that is. Well, sort of. I mean, it’s good that I am agitated, at least.

I look forward to sharing with you about the things the Lord is mandating in my life… my message and my passion. OK, so really… I’m terrified.

But it’s coming.



  1. it was indeed an intense and offensive message. i was pretty shell-shocked afterward as well; it took seeing the faces of those people in the clip he showed for me to realize (again) that my heart is nothing like the Jesus’, that there is still much in me a worldy point of view, despite my Christly leaning, that needs to be dealt with. it’s not very exciting to see a person in need of savior doing what he’s supposed to be doing to those of the faith and have your heart be screaming “INJUSTICE! UNBELIEVABLE!” and other not-so-nice-and-more-pointy-of-the-finger things when it should be breaking with cries of mercy on us ALL. all this time i thought i’d be good in the face of persecution, that i’d be able to love an assailant and/or accuser with the love of God. i am now faced with the reality of a heart in need of more of God and far less of me, to put it in the simplest of terms. i have access to this never-ending stream of mercy and it doesn’t even come first to thought when it absolutely ought to. i want to be tenderized again… “behold God is great and we do not know him” suddenly seems like a trillion times more of a reality to me.

    i am thankful for lou. thankful that he has completely given himself over to the standards and frightful boldness of Truth. thankful that he approached us in humility without regards to anyone’s “safety zones” or “comfort levels”. and i am thankful that God, in his mercy, has shown US the love we don’t deserve and powerfully moved us so that we in turn can remember that love-undeserved and apply it rightly to those who do the same things to us that we do to God.

    i need Jesus. that’s all there is to it.

    thank you for posting your reaction.

  2. I watched the 8:30 service online before church. That was nuts. I could so nothing but spend worship on my knees in intercession. I could not describe what I was feeling. I looked like an idiot and I didn’t care. I thought, DON’T YOU GET IT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING?! I appreciate your blog–even without details–because even from Texas, I remember that others feel likewise, probably more so than I, and that God is stirring us up. I can’t get over what I heard and saw. And I pray I never do. Thanks.

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