October 23, 2009

I really need prayer right now.

1. My cold.
Almost immediately after I returned from training with CRI, I was hit with one of the wretched cold/flu things that are going around.

In an instant, everything I was responding to and following through with, in regards to CRI, was brought to a screeching halt. My application for the chaplaincy team was put on hold. Continuing to read and pray through the training manual was more than I had the energy to do and it went back in my bag for a week. I was so out of it that I didn’t have the mental capacity to even continue to process all that the Lord had been speaking to me for those last few days.

Right now, I am on the road to recovery and overjoyed. I am a functional human being again. My brain works. I have been able to go to the prayer room. But I am still very tired, my head is still very congested, my throat is still very sore, and my cough is easily provoked. I have had to rest a lot. I have repeatedly woken up feeling wretched and been forced to cancel the first few hours of my day’s activities. So… amazing improvement, but I am still coming out of that one.

2. My knee.
On the last night of training, my knee started to feel kind of funny and I woke up that next day knowing that it could easily lock again. (Something that happened frequently, a long time ago, and is usually quite painful.) Things definitely weren’t right in my knee. I received prayer, though, and my knee was fine all day. UNTIL we got on the bus to go home. That’s when it started up again. My first night back in the prayer room, I could barely walk.

Since then, it has been a bit of a roller coaster. Every time I get prayer, it improves in a notable way for some length of time. But when I think we’re finally done, it will suddenly flare up again. Like just it did a little while ago… when it started to hurt like heck as I was throwing up. And that brings us to number three…

3. My irrepressible need to vomit.
A few hours ago, it became apparent that I was probably going to throw up. I was really nauseous and my head was throbbing with this really weird pain. (I’d had a headache for hours, which I was mostly attributing to my failure to drink enough water for the first part of the day.) I hydrated away, but the headache was not easing up. And then I realized I was probably about to throw up.

I went back to the bathroom, ready to cooperate with what my body was doing. But then I decided that I just couldn’t handle it.  So, I took some of that lovely pink stuff, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and tried to… talk myself into feeling better(?). I felt miserable, but I thought I might make it. And I did… for a while.

And then I threw up. A lot.

I eventually stopped it… somehow. For one thing, my knee was in a lot of pain and the whole vomiting thing seemed to be making it worse. But more than that… I couldn’t do it anymore. It was not a pleasant experience. Throwing up isn’t usually a lot of fun, but this was awful. It was painful. It was emotionally upsetting (hard to explain). And it didn’t seem to be getting any better.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I’m not done. And oh how I am dreading it.

I hate throwing up, but I can do it if I need to. I often feel a lot better after I do. And sometimes we don’t have a choice. (Amanda can tell you all about the incredible projectile vomit incident almost two years ago. That woman is an amazing friend… with an impressively solid stomach and a persevering servant’s heart.)

But right now… I don’t know if I can handle it. This has been one of my worst vomiting experiences. (The projectile thing is a far more interesting story and I was REALLY sick… but it was somehow a much more bearable experience to actually… live.)

So… I am writing this plea for prayer.

I cannot state strongly enough how powerful and significant the four days were that I spent training with CRI. Things are shifting in my life. The Lord has issued some really clear and strong invitations, and I am saying yes to him. But that is proving VERY difficult right now. (I did manage to press through the headache and nausea to finish my chaplaincy team application tonight.)

I’m exhausted. And I’m really not interested in having any other issues materialize with my body right now. My knee was sufficiently obnoxious. My cold was more than enough. And the way my whole body feels right now, as I wait in dread of the probably-inevitable continuation of a really horrendous vomiting experience… absolutely not okay.

I have things to do right now. And the Lord has been walking me through some fairly intense heart issues in the last couple of days. Sickness and pain and more sickness are not fitting in very well with all of that.

So… ’tis time for all the junk to stop. Please agree with me in prayer!


One comment

  1. Praying.

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