Coming Out of the Wilderness

March 8, 2012

Despite my years at IHOP, this title isn’t about coming up from the wilderness, leaning on my Beloved. Or is it? Well, it wasn’t supposed to be.

I simply want to announce that one of the most wretched seasons of my life is finally running out.

Those of you who know me well know that living in reality is really important to me. In the last several years, I have experienced something of an emotional revival, the Holy Spirit breathing life into my crusted-over, numbed, and deadened emotional makeup.

Well, I am sad to say that I have spent the last several months trying to distract myself. I was constantly in a great deal of physical pain, so I tried to keep myself busy to distract myself from the pain. Well, truth be told, there was a lot of emotional pain in the midst of my prolonged sickness and the general lack of community that I experienced in that time. And I was distracting myself from a lot more than the physical.

I know billions of people do this everyday. It’s a prevalent lifestyle. But it is a lifestyle that I turned my back on a long time ago. I purposed in my heart not to go back. So numbing myself back into that place is a pretty serious matter.

I have been exceptionally dull. And I have hated it.

When you are busy trying to separate yourself from reality and stop being a lover of the truth, when you numb the emotions the Lord has given you, the He seems to become increasingly distant. Every time we say no to Him or choose to ignore Him, He becomes a little harder to hear. You have to stop listening if you want to be comfortable in your compromise.

Bleh. I hate sin.

Thankfully, I’m done with that. I have repented… I’ve turned around. And I am amazed by how powerfully the Lord has responded to my tiny step toward him. That dull emotional and spiritual state feels like a distant memory because, in His mercy,  God has drawn so near to me as I have humbled myself and turned back to Him.

I love the way the Lord responds!



  1. hey …
    ive stumbled by your blog somehow, not entirely sure …
    have followed you on twitter and look forwards to reading your blog further and your updates.
    fragmentz x

    • I am a little late in replying, but I am glad that you did stumble across my blog, however you got here. 🙂 I just read your “4 years since I tried to die” post and look forward to reading more about your life and journey. I am glad you are alive!

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