Ooh! I see a speck of light!

January 8, 2015

I feel good right now. The best I remember feeling in a long time. And… I think I really like it!

I’m tired… but it is the happy tired of “I just got a good workout!” Which is a lot better than the defeated exhaustion of “I just went grocery shopping and now I’m completely spent for the week… and my whole body hurts even more than it did when I dragged it out of bed.”

We just got back from swimming at the Y. An uninterupted hour of treading water and swimming can tire a healthy person (or make them really hungry). I’m not even remotely healthy. But I feel like I have finally figured out a magical assortment of healthy foods, exercise, and supplements that can keep my body going as we work to understand what is wrong with me. Seriously. As tired as I am, this is nothing like my persistent fatigue. I’m not sure where it came from, but I actually have some energy to work with!




The warm, spring-like weather is only enhancing this sense of being tired, but refreshed. Winters in Colorado Springs are THE BEST. Yesterday was COLD. I got to enjoy falling snow that formed a fresh blanket over the crisp earth. (My favorite!) Today, I was greeted by the warm sun and sounds of trickling snowmelt when I walked out of the gym smelling like a swimming pool. Everything looked, smelled, sounded and felt like spring. New life. Fresh beginnings.

Hope is easier to grasp today than it is most days. I feel the Holy Spirit breathing life in and around me. (The recent norm has been, “Hey, you’re still here, Holy Spirit, aren’t you?”)

I’m also writing again. I wrote a… thing for a thing on the 1st. About 1100 words that would be judged by strangers. It felt good. I also created a new blog, hoping anonymity might help me break through this… writer’s block. It must be doing something, because here I am… writing on the blog that some people I know might read.

Seal seems a little disappointed. The poor cat still wants to spend the majority of her day curled up on my lap, utilizing my body heat to survive the warmish fridge that is our house. (Seriously… Our ” room temperature” water is perfect right now.) But I’m doing things like… moving for reasons beyond an empty water bottle or full bladder… sitting at the computer, where good cuddling can’t be achieved. (Oddly enough, I opted for writing this post on my cell phone… again.)

It is amazing how foreign energy has become. I’m going to go upstairs and shower soon. And it isn’t going to require my usual mental preparation to will myself up the stairs to the room where a bunch of standing awaits me.

Maybe you are reading this and mostly thinking, “Wow… I didn’t realize she had gotten this… pitiful.” But, if things keep trending in this direction…

Not for much longer, friends! Not for much longer!



  1. It is good to read about this new hope and feeling good. Also I hadn’t realized how bad it was for you, and I’m sorry for that. Hope it just gets better Christine! Love!

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