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When Hope Feels Dangerous

May 21, 2015

My heart is broken as I realize I am terrified by hope.

I’m getting excited about a new doctor and dreaming again about finding answers. But every time hope surges, a flood of terror rolls in behind it. I don’t know what another round of disappointment will do to my floundering faith.

Will I still call Him good when the accuser piles “evidence” against Him? Will I let the Holy Spirit lead me into patience and peace?

Somewhere in my mess of doubt and faith, I know that He is good. Somewhere in that confused darkness, I know that His leadership is perfect.

The testimony of my own life has proven His sufficient grace. I have seen His steadfast love and faithfulness. I have trusted a power that was not annulled by my own weakness.

I hate how much I struggle to remember. I hate how pitiful I feel and how poorly I am coping.

Oh, to trust Him more!

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4 comments

  1. I love you. I’m sorry. Praying for you always.


    • Thank you, friend. It means more (and makes a bigger difference) than you could possibly realize.


  2. Yep.


  3. Thankfully, even as you fight to trust him more, God’s goodness and mercy toward you is constant. I was praying for you last weekend, and God was just reminding me how much he loves you, and that he draws near to the broken-hearted (i.e. those whose natural strength to hope, praise, or believe has been diminished or wounded). I’m sure you know this already, but it’s always good to be reminded that God’s posture toward you is consistent and unchanged, and that he is predisposed toward mercy and grace for you in all seasons. While you were enemies, at the right time Christ died for you. How much more, now that you’ve been adopted into his family, will you find him faithful to you.

    Not trying to get all preachy on ya, but hopefully this is encouraging!



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