Posts Tagged ‘doubt’

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When Hope Feels Dangerous

May 21, 2015

My heart is broken as I realize I am terrified by hope.

I’m getting excited about a new doctor and dreaming again about finding answers. But every time hope surges, a flood of terror rolls in behind it. I don’t know what another round of disappointment will do to my floundering faith.

Will I still call Him good when the accuser piles “evidence” against Him? Will I let the Holy Spirit lead me into patience and peace?

Somewhere in my mess of doubt and faith, I know that He is good. Somewhere in that confused darkness, I know that His leadership is perfect.

The testimony of my own life has proven His sufficient grace. I have seen His steadfast love and faithfulness. I have trusted a power that was not annulled by my own weakness.

I hate how much I struggle to remember. I hate how pitiful I feel and how poorly I am coping.

Oh, to trust Him more!

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